Text: Femke Berends
Illustrations: Anni Hakkarainen
I am standing in the middle of a volleyball court, playing a volleyball game at the university union. After playing a few minutes my feet and hands begin sweating unnaturally and my head is spinning. I was already very stressed, because of some school assignments and my internship application that I must do from Finland for my home university. Too stressful to do this during the Erasmus and to think a lot about the months after the time abroad. I went to play volleyball to clear my head, but I ended up not focusing on the game. I only remained in my head and worries. I can sense my heart beating faster, and I feel dizzy. Maybe I’ll pass out in a moment. I hate this feeling. A look around me and I see only Finns and two exchange people, they don’t notice that I feel ill. Actually, it’s quite nice, but at the same time I feel so alone. I want to tell someone that I don’t feel well, and they can help me outside. But we are in a team sport in the middle of a game. Okay I feel really bad now and I want to get out of here. I quickly tell the others that are playing next to my field, that I am not feeling well and that I’ll go outside. I rush out of the volleyball court into the cold air of dark evening, and I feel the tears start rolling over my cheeks and they don’t stop……
Going to another county and live and study there can be quite a shock. You will see things and experience a lifestyle you couldn’t even imagine. There’s this term that is spoken of called “cultural shock”. The feeling of disorientation experienced by someone when they are suddenly subjected to an unfamiliar culture, way of life, or set of attitudes.
Everyone always talks about the differences they experience when they tell people about their culture shock. But what happens in your head? And how do you feel about all the things that happen? Not many people talk about that. No, they only focus on the details. Of course, this also varies from person to person, but I think it’s fun and interesting to read about someone’s thoughts. So, I’ll tell you about mine.
‘The journey is about to begin…. So as my dad put it, “Femke is experiencing the mental issues that come with an exchange period”. A long time away from home and missing your boyfriend, your friends, and your family, so it’s a bit unfortunate, but aside from that it’s a great adventure waiting to happen! So, there will be ups and downs but now I realize that I really must live in the now. You can do this Fem! Let’s enjoy it!
I’m annoyed with myself for all the overthinking I’ve done these last few days. Dad told me yesterday it’s pretty normal “but you’ve wanted this for a long time” he said. I am already missing some things from home, and I am still at home. It’s weird. Going on adventures isn’t always easy.
The last week before departure was a rollercoaster and I will tell you in advance it is actually a very stupid week. You feel very weird and maybe a bit emotional. It feels like you’ve already moved to the other country. Believe me, that feeling is even worse than feeling homesick during your time abroad but luckily you only have it for a little while.
I’m on the plane now, and everything went well. Funny to go through this alone. Saying goodbye to your family and then boarding a plane alone to a place you have never seen before and where you are going to live for quite some time can feel surreal and it’s hard to realize that you’re really leaving. The beginning of the flight was a very strange moment, when we took off and I looked outside, I realized, I’m really going to do this.
The first day I experienced in Seinäjoki was a Sunday. The town was completely quiet and only a quarter of the exchange students had arrived. It felt really empty and silent. For a moment I thought, “where did I end up?” You only have to go through this feeling for a few days because as soon as you meet people and get into the grind that weird and empty feeling will go away, I promise.
My first impression about the school was, “Cool!” Very big and modern, warm lunch and a lot of signs in English. The introduction was very clear, and I was very excited to start the courses that I had chosen. The first week was chaotic, so many new exchange students, an unfamiliar culture, with new people, different food and much more. In this week I didn’t have any time to take a break. This may be very overwhelming, but it is part of the experience. You would think that it only is going to last the first few weeks, the overwhelming feeling, but no it will stay this way and you just have to learn to deal with it. Learn to accept your emotions and try to be alone once in a while to let all your thoughts out. Write it down or tell someone. All exchange students go through this, and some have probably had similar experiences as you have.
There are going to be moments when you are completely in shock about some things and that feeling is indescribable. With me, this happened after about three weeks of taking classes. The Finnish school system and how the teachers teach is so different than in my country. It feels like I’m not doing anything and therefore not getting positive feedback or feeling proud of myself in return. I realized how different that feels at home and how much we actually work for school compared to here. This felt crazy. You would think doing less and having more free time is nice, but it was such a change that it made me feel stressed and bad. Also working with Finnish students turned out to be quite a challenge….
In some moments you can suddenly feel very alone, with so many people from different nationalities and especially Finns around you. I was at a skating club training in here, I thought it would be fun to train with them because I also skate in my home country. But everyone speaks Finnish all the time and the coach can’t speak English either. So that felt in the first trainings very alone. But how cool is it to be able to say that you trained with an international team.
It is a great opportunity to take on this adventure. You may not learn so much from the classes or the assignments, but you will learn from the people. And in the end, I think it will benefit you more in the future.
Last night we went outside because the aurora borealis might be visible. We did this for the first time. We weren’t very confident in seeing them because it was cloudy. But I started looking for the stars among the clouds, while everyone else was already distracted and just talking with each other. I noticed right away that the stars were very bright. Wow! The rest didn’t see the stars that well, but it got brighter and brighter. And suddenly… there were the northern lights! My heart rate was so high, and it really felt like a moment of ‘Wow am I alive??’ Everyone was watching in amazement. And then there was also one of the most beautiful shooting stars I have ever seen. I’m never going to forget this.
That same day I was very disappointed by someone and was thinking about that very much. I felt really sad. So, you can see that so much can happen in a day and it really can go from a ditch to the peaks of mountains. Try to live in the moment!
These are just very small examples of an even longer adventure, but what I am trying to say with this is: your mind and mental health are and will be very important during your time abroad and it is maybe one thing that can be most influenced and perhaps changed during your time abroad.
‘Always go with the choice that scares you the most. Because that’s the one that is going to help you grow’. – Caroline Myss